Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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