I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
