she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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