We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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