When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
