she woke up with a sticky ear
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
