He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
