maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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