We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
