Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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