I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I fill condoms, not promises.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
