I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
