I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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