the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
