Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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