So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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