i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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