We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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