sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
