Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
its liver damage thursday
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
