It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
