It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
