So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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