Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
