Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
