I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
