Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
