im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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