Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
