so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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