D3 body, D1 cock
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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