You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
