I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
