I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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