yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
