I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
