I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
