i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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