Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
