Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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