you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
