shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
