So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We have started to decorate penises.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
