it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
