your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
