Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my being single is dangerous.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
