Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
