Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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