Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
