Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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