she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
