can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
