some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
