I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
